What's New About My Parent Tips Book?
Susie E. Caron (c) 8/30/2015
This week’s blog is a little different. Instead of an article about parenting, I want to tell you about my next book and ask for your help.
First, I will tell you about my progress.
I am currently about ½ way through rough-draft writing. This is my first book specifically for you. My first 3 picture books, designed for kids 3-9 years, is about a little pine tree called Twee’. I am happy to report it is doing very well on Amazon in eBook and print. (Check it out to the right of this blog.) However, my next book is for parents and you are the first to know the title:
Twee’ Parent Tips
Wait! What's Twee' doing in this title?
Okay, I confess when I wrote my first 3 books, I didn’t know that Twee’ would become my brand. The name Twee’ just came to me after some soul searching and praying about which book to publish first. (Until I published Twee’ I had a list of about 20 titles I was thinking about writing as 'my first book'.)
Then, after I released my 3rd book, Twee’ for Two, I became curious about the word 'twee'. I looked it up here to my surprise and delight ‘twee’ means cute and adorable. What better fit could I have imagined. Of course, the apostrophe at the end was something I added to represent the unique and special characteristic of my character Twee’.
What does cute and adorable have to do with Parent Tips?
I know you will agree that a loving exchange between mother and child is often cute and adorable. Admit it, you have gazed lovingly at your kids (especially when they were babies) and found them both cute and adorable. So, I’m writing a book with 24 concise concepts that every parent must know that will help them to improve their relationship bond with their kids! When that relationship is good, communication is clearer, parenting becomes easier and you and your kids have more fun along the way.
How do I know?
I recently retired from over 40+ years of careers as a teacher, psychotherapist, parent-coach and more. During that time I learned how to help parents to connect with their children, to understand them better, to gain their cooperation, and to have more fun. In the process, I also discovered that what parents and kids crave is something neither really understands how to easily obtain or manage. Parents and kids all want better, deeper, more fulfilling relationship with one another. This is vitally important. When you truly connect with your kids, you build a better parent-child relationship, improve communication, have more fun, and reap benefits that last a lifetime.
Would You Like To Help?
I really believe that better parent child relationships is the key to improving communication, easier parenting and better behaved kids. Writing a book isn’t easy. It takes time and consistency and blessings. I am willing and eager to produce it, but it also needs your help, for this important information to get into lots of homes, hands and hearts.
Will you help me create a ‘Buzz’ about this book? Will you post this article on Facebook and Twitter? Would you send this link to your friend, who is a parent or grandparent? If you'd like, you can also post your parenting questions or email them to me? Who knows? Your questions may eventually make it into my Twee’ Parent Tips book - or maybe my next book! Thank you!!!
I appreciate you!
Remember Twee’s means you and me
Working together to raise great - and cute and adorable - kids.
Why Kids Need Their Parents' Beliefs & Standards.
by Susie E. Caron © 8/23/15
I usually do not write like this. However today I share why you’ll want to teach your kids your personal beliefs and standards.
Today’s kids are showing signs of despair
and they are wandering.
Headlines are full of stories of kids who are bullied and doing terrible things to one another. One of the saddest things I have heard on the news lately is that young people are leaving their countries of origin, or where they had become naturalized citizens, to train with religious organizations who want to harm people in the country of their citizenship. No one seems to understand why.
Teens and young people have little or no fear. Developmentally they are wired to believe that nothing bad can happen to them, (but maybe to the other guy). That’s why they drive fast, take chances, and live hard. That’s what makes it possible for them sign up for the military, police, fire, rescue and other dangerous work. That is also what makes them look for a cause and a purpose to live for, or fight for. They need these. Without strong standards, ethics, religious training, an appreciation and understanding of right and wrong, plus a strong sense of purpose, our teenagers may indeed go out to find their own purpose, even a dangerous one. We may not like their choice.
Why are these things happening?
One reason is that we have left the traditions, standards and purposes set up by our founding fathers, which were based on Judeo-Christian beliefs. We no longer insist kids learn allegiance to our flag, our nation or to our God. We have few guiding standards for the behavior of adults, parents, teachers, government leaders, or for ourselves. What was once wrong is now not only okay, it is considered ‘a right.’ We do not respect ourselves so we do not respect others. Parents live in fear of ‘teaching the wrong things.’
But what about tolerance and inclusion?
I agree that we have to be more compassionate and accept others as we ourselves wish to be accepted. However, I am clearly calling for you parents and all adults who work with children, to decide what you believe and to give children these standards, to grow on. This gives kids a firm foundation, from which to launch into adulthood.
What about religion?
I’ve heard parents say “I’m not directing my kids into a particular religion. I’ll let them decide on their own beliefs when they grow up.” I frequently ask them, “If you let kids do as they please, what will they grow up to believe in, rebel against or build upon?” Kids need something to start with. At least tell them what you believe..
Likewise, what about standards?
Kids who grow up in families where they are taught standards of conduct, like honesty, spend their lives either agreeing, rebelling, or building upon the foundation they were given. This is expected and they make these choices as they venture into adulthood. However, without these teachings they flounder and wander all over looking for meaning. How do they know what they are rebelling over? How can they ‘improve’ on something if there is ‘nothing’ to build upon?
How kids are a lot like wild vines.
This may help you understand. Before today’s gardeners began growing a variety of green beans called ‘bush beans’, gardeners used to arrange tall tepee like poles for their ‘string bean' vines to wind around and grow up on. If you didn’t provide the pole, the vines, which could grow over 6 feet tall, would wander all over the ground. This resulted in unmanageable plants and dirty beans. It’s like that with kids. If you don’t provide the guidance and set the standards, then children like vines will wander all over looking for something to take hold of, to give their lives meaning and purpose. This wandering sadly results in kids who are unmanageable, with painful outcomes.
What do kids need from their parents?
Kids need to grow up hearing and learning what their parents believe and standards to live by. If you provide those things for your children, your teens will have clear understanding of what you live for, and what others have died for. They may choose your way or the ‘highway’ but at least you gave them a firm foundation. At least you won’t be left wondering, ‘What more could I have done.’ You will know that you did your best. Remember, your teenagers will carry the standards you live by, into their future.
What can you do now?
Talk with and teach your children well. Believe in something. Practice the religion of choice. Set standards. Hang the Ten Commandments, the Pledge of Allegiance and other great documents in your home. Teach them to your children. Tell them what is right and wrong. Ask them to stand with you and believe in our country’s original purposes: the right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Teach them that these things are worth living out and defending. If you do, you will have provided a firm foundation for a healthier childhood and for better choices into their adult lives.
I look forward to your comments and thoughts about this topic.
Feel free to share on social by hitting the tabs to the left.
Twee' Means You and Me
Together We Can Build Great Kids.
Susie E. Caron
How I Became a Better Mommy in My Chicken Coop?
by Susie E. Caron © 8/16/15
Like most parents, I became exasperated from time to time, especially when I struggled to understand and discipline my children. However, I never gave up and I never let them know. Instead I retreated to my chicken coop. That’s right. I had chickens (and at one point a goat shared their space as well.) So whenever I got upset and needed some space and time to think (and pray) I got to the chicken coop as fast as I could to think, regroup and plan. Truthfully, this actually began early in my marriage.
One day, as young newlyweds sometimes do, my husband and I argued. I came from a family that yelled. He didn’t. So when I received absolutely no satisfaction from standing my ground and saying my piece (at high volume), I stormed out of the house. I had no other place to go, so I ran to the chicken coop. It was early autumn and just before dusk.
It was a nice coop, as they go, and along with chickens for company, there was my warm fuzzy goat. Maggie had begun growing a winter coat. We cuddled while I yelled and cried. When I was done, and had figured how to proceed further, I tried the door of the coop. It wouldn’t open. To my surprise I was totally locked in the chicken coop.
The door to this coop was fitted from the outside with a board-bar that ‘dropped’ into a kind of ‘arm.’ Apparently when I entered the coop (and slammed the door) the bar had dropped to nestle in arm. Now I had several problems. I was stuck and my husband was in our house about 60 yards away. I was stuck and now going to be embarrassed. I was getting really chilly too. What if he didn’t come out? What if he fell asleep? What will he do if he does come outside? Will I holler to him? Will he let me out or stand stand there, for a while?
Just as I pondered my awful fate, my guy came out of the house, shrugging on his jacket as he walked, head down and looking sad. I did it. I hollered his name, (rather weakly). He looked up, and to his credit stifled a smile, and came to let me out. I will tell you, I did my best dignified look as I strode back to the house. I don’t remember what we’d argued about, but after that, if I retired to the coop, I made sure the bar was moved clear out of the way.
Later, I told the kids this story. I wanted them to know that Mommies get upset too, but it’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean I give up, or don’t love them (or their dad) anymore. It means I need time to feel my feelings and to consider my options and choices. So then whenever my husband and I ‘discussed’ an issue, (and I’d learned to do so in a quieter voice) or I became exasperated with the kids, I told them “Don’t worry, I’ll be in the chicken coop (or the barn with my horses).” They knew that in a little while, I would come back ready to continue the struggle of being a good human, wonderful wife and great mother.
Maybe you don’t have a chicken coop, but you can do this too. Set it up with your spouse and kids that there is a place for you to be alone sometimes. Tell your kids something like “Sometimes Mommies need to take ‘time-out’, to feel and to think. That way I can go back to being your good Mommy. So when I am sad, or mad or feeling yukky, I will tell you I’m having my adult feelings and need time out. I love you and believe in you, but right now I need to be alone.” That's how you will be able to de-stress, feel your feelings and plan your next moves without saying or doing things that could needlessly hurt you spouse or kids.
I hope you enjoyed my true story. Please tell me what you think and how you take time outs. If you really liked my story, please share on your favorite social site by clicking the tabs on this page. Thank you!
Twee' Means You & Me
and Together We Can Build Great Kids.
Susie E. Caron
5 Steps That Help Kids
Get Their Chores Done Fast
(Part II of Why Kid's Need Chores &
How to Get Them Done.)
by Susie E. Caron © 8/2/15
In my previous post I wrote about 5 important purposes you want to keep clearly in mind when you ask your kids to do their chores. With these essential reasons you will be better equipped to be consistent. However, I know that getting their cooperation can be a struggle. So this week I list the 5 steps that help your kids to quickly do their chores. The result is less time, less stress, and more fun for you all.
5 steps to help kids get their chores done quickly.
1. First schedule a specific 'chore time.'
That's right. Make a time each week during the school year for kids to do their chores. Saturday morning is a good choice, for example, before they get to play or relax or go anywhere. In the summer it's okay to give kids a few more daily chores. But throughout the school year, asking them to do more than make their beds, carry their dishes to the kitchen and pick up their toys before bed could be too many. It depends on their ages of course, but be reasonable.
2. Set a Timer.
Don't let it drag on all day. Kids get distracted just like you do. Before 'chore time' take away all their electronics. Keep the TV and video games off until the timer rings. You could allow them to play music as long as they don't disturb the others.
3. Provide an incentive for them on chore day.
This is preferably something they can do with you, but other activities work well too. Provide something that they enjoy. Make cupcakes, take them out for lunch after grocery shopping, or play a board game, etc. It isn’t bribery it’s common sense.
4. Explain that when they do their chores quickly that makes more time for fun.
Remind them about all the good things they will get to do. These are things they like to do in their free time including activities they do by themselves, or with siblings and friends.
5. What if they don't get their chores completed before the timer rings?
First visit them and figure out what caused the delay and adjust either your expectations or theirs. Here are two good ways to address non-completion.
A. Adjust your expectations. Either change the amount of time allowed, or reduce the number of chores you expect to be completed. This depends on the child's
age or ability.
B. Adjust their expectations: If they are simply not cooperating,
then a natural consequence may be necessary.
1. Reset the timer, once, just for this child, and allow the other kids to play
video games, or to do something fun with you. Your child will
most likely finish chores quickly in order to join the others.
2. If more time isn't available that day, (or you don't want to reset).
Tell your child,
"Chore time is up and since your chores didn't get done in the allowed
time, you will not be able to do something that you want to do this week."
Wait for it, and carry out your plan when your child asks you to let
him or her do x, y, or z that week.
Then simply say,
“No, You lost that opportunity for this week because your chores didn't
get done on time."
Be specific about this. It works much better than saying "You're grounded."
One more thing. Don't give in to pleadings like, "I'll do them right now. Then will you let me do x, y, or z?"
Just respond like this,
"No, but I know you'll do better on our next chore day so you won't
miss out on what you want to do."
As you make a habit to practice these 5 steps, and keep in mind the 5 important reasons why you want your kids to do chores in the first place, you will find it all becomes easier. Then you and your kids will do chores with in less time, with less stress, and ultimately have more fun together.
What ideas have you found work with your kids? I'd love to hear from you.
Leave a comment or question below and please, always share with your friends.
Remember, Twee' Means You and Me and
Together we can raise great kids.
Susie E. Caron MA,
Author, Blogger, Podcaster,
Christian, Wife, & Mother, helps build parent-child relationships, 1 blog, book & podcast at a time.
Welcome! I recently retired from combined careers in teaching, psychotherapy, and parent coaching to spend more time writing.
When I'm not busy creating books or articles, you might find me looking for dark chocolate or riding my beautiful horse Apple in the woods and fields of Vermont.
These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only and are not intended as psychotherapy.
If you experience unusual symptoms or discomfort please see your medical or mental health practitioner.
No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained. The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application of this material.
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Blog Reviews & Thank You!
July 13 at 7:17pm ·
Just wanted to say that I love your posts about the different ways to connect/relate/understand your child. It has given me a new approach towards understanding my daughter and allowing HER to tell me how she feels instead of me suggesting to her how she should feel. Thanks Susie!