This article is dedicated with great respect to parents everywhere!
There are three ways children learn, at least for the purposes of this article, and they are all like these pumpkins...in a way.
Actually, I am writing about how children (and adults) learn something new. This information may help you to understand your own children. I used the following to help my children to understand their choices.
Three ways children learn what happens to a pumpkin, when dropped from a tall building?
1st: A child may HEAR or READ about the pumpkin.
The description would include things like the height of the building, the temperature, wind velocity, etc. that day. He or she could read about how the pumpkin was tossed, dropped or thrown down from the building, and about all the gore on impact. The messy pumpkin details might even include the width of splatter, how ground zero got cleaned up and the final disposal site. In other words, the first child learns about what happens to a pumpkin simply by being told or reading about it. This seems nice and is a lot less messy than the next two.
2nd: A child may WATCH what happens to the pumpkin.
These are he doubting Thomas' of the world. They have to see it with their own eyes. They learn best when they experience it through all their senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Such a child may even get involved in wanting to launch the pumpkin themselves. Certainly he or she will want to examine the pumpkin's demise on the ground, and perhaps take measurements of the weight and scope, smell it, taste it, and feel it in their fingers (and some with their toes). So the second child learns about what happens to a pumpkin by observing the event.
3rd: A child may need to BE the pumpkin.
These are the EXPERIENTIAL learners. There is only one response he or she can imagine to the question: "What happens when you drop a pumpkin from a ten story high building?
"I Can Be The Pumpkin!"
Many blessings to all parents who struggle to raise kids who learn in all sorts of ways.
Happy Parents Day = Every Day!
I Didn't Mean That!
by Susie E. Caron (7-17-2013)
I remember standing in line, outside my highschool choir room door. I chatted with two classmates while we awaited the signal to walk into class. I don't remember the topic, but I said something. One of the girls, (I'll name her Terry) snapped back at me. This startled me, because as far as I knew, I hadn't said anything that should upset her. Immediately the other teen (I'll call her Lucy) spoke to Terry and said, "That's not what she meant." Terry visibly calmed down and any further discussion stopped abruptly as we were ushered into the room.
To this day, I don't remember what I said that "I didn't mean." Obviously Lucy knew something about communication that I missed. "How did she KNOW," that I had actually intended something other than what Terry heard?
Training and experience taught me that language comes in many forms. I'm not talking about different dialects or 'languages' per se. I'm referring to the multi-layered communications in which we humans engage. (And likely some animals...but that is not my point here). Obviously communication involves much more that the actual words spoken.
For example: Think about the many ways a parent can speak a child's name. "Charlie", for example is just a name. However, spoken in a variety of ways, it can mean "I'm feeling gentle and nurturing toward you." Or "Get your muddy shoes off my new couch!" Or perhaps, "Now you are being very silly." (Try it!) One more example may help: Think about the term "Sweet Heart." Do I really need to spell out the ways THAT can be spoken?
What I just illustrated helps us to recognize at least one added layer to meaning-making in 'spoken' language. This is called the 'Meta Message.' Our words convey only a small portion of our meaning. Our tone, inflection and pitch carry meta messages behind the words. We all use meta messages, but often we shouldn't.
When we use words that contradict our underlying "meanings" (the Meta-Messages), we are not being authentic. When our words and non-verbal intentions match, we are true to ourselves and clear with others. Improved communication enhances our relationships.
When you speak, think about the meaning behind your words, especially those you speak to your children. I encourage you to attach warm, nurturing, 'I believe in you' messages when you speak their names. When you want to correct a behavior, just speak clearly the behavior you DO want. "Muddy Feet Belong Outdoors Now!" Or maybe "Get those muddy shoe off my new couch!"
Underlying "meta messages" in agreement with spoken words enhances your authenticity and personal power. Remember to "Say what you mean and mean what you say," to enhance your communication and relationships.
"You got dropped in the 'deep end." my book coach told me.
We were discussing social media marketing and my first published book, Twee'.
I had emailed to tell her I was exhausted. It was the end of an intensive year of research, finding a book coach, writing, editing, and working with an artist, in order to publish my first allegory - picture book for children and adults. In the 6 months that followed I also learned how to design a web site, use twitter and face book, join writing groups and study the online world of marketing. All the while, new concepts and trainnings kept popping up such as 'virtual book tour', 'pod casts', 'webinars' and others. Each source urged me to learn and incorporate these also into my 'marketing plan' as well. Some even suggested I hire their service to do this behind the scenes work for me. Finances did not allow for that and I believed I needed to 'work it' myself to fully understand the process and to present what is truly "ME."
Concurrent with this I continued to run my part time/full time psychotherapy practice, which I also fully enjoyed, so the 'book biz' took a back seat, by choice and could only be addressed in my 'free time.' By the end of the 1 & 1/2 year mark, I felt drained and even resisted clearing emails, writing blogs, tweeting, 'pinterest'ing', 'google+' ing,' and all the other sites that daily called my name. By the third month after publication, and all this effort, sales on my first book appeared dismal.
"Your second book helps to sell your first book," my book coach said. I had already planned on a short series of 3 allegories with the same character, so that seemed encouraging. But how do I carry on now that I feel fried? I wanted to become a well loved, published author? Things had to become more manageable! I decided to follow a plan for now.
1. I wrote the second book. The character is so cute, and the message universal. I couldn't help myself.
2. I decided to take only what I already understood about marketing, and use that.
These included: to Blog, use Twitter, Facebook, and Hootsuite to tie them all together, to market my book. These are mostly free services. I just had to do the work consistently.
3. I asked the local libraries for dates to come in and read to the children and parents. Each library allowed me to provide book signing and sales as well. I planned an appearance once every two weeks. I knew I could fit that into my schedule.
4. I contacted a local newspaper in rural Vermont and emailed a press release,book cover picture and picture of me. A reporter called and said he'd send me an intern for an interview. The interview was conducted Saturday, July 12, 2013 and I await publication.
5. I will catalog the multiple downloaded books, documents, courses and web links I saved and schedule each on my calendar for reading. I will begin this study with: how to conduct a 'virtual book tour.
6. I will engage in a virtual book tour, once I understand what it is and how to do it? :-)
.....Now where did I put that information?...........
Susie E. Caron (July 14, 2013)
Susie E. Caron MA,
Author, Blogger, Podcaster,
Christian, Wife, & Mother, helps build parent-child relationships, 1 blog, book & podcast at a time.
Welcome! I recently retired from combined careers in teaching, psychotherapy, and parent coaching to spend more time writing.
When I'm not busy creating books or articles, you might find me looking for dark chocolate or riding my beautiful horse Apple in the woods and fields of Vermont.
These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only and are not intended as psychotherapy.
If you experience unusual symptoms or discomfort please see your medical or mental health practitioner.
No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained. The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application of this material.
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Blog Reviews & Thank You!
July 13 at 7:17pm ·
Just wanted to say that I love your posts about the different ways to connect/relate/understand your child. It has given me a new approach towards understanding my daughter and allowing HER to tell me how she feels instead of me suggesting to her how she should feel. Thanks Susie!